In this post I will highlight some of Muhammad’s bizarre and outright stupid teachings about Satan.
1. Satan pees in people’s ears
Narrated ‘Abdullah: A person was mentioned before the Prophet and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 21, Number 245 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=21&translator=1&start=0&number=245; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:1144)
Narrated ‘Abdullah: It was mentioned before the Prophet that there was a man who slept the night till morning (after sunrise). The Prophet said, “He is a man in whose ears (or ear) Satan had urinated.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 4, Book 54, Number 492 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=54&translator=1&start=0&number=492; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3270)
2. Satan farts loudly and passes gas
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Apostle said, “When the Adhan is pronounced Satan takes to his heels and passes wind with noise during his flight in order not to hear the Adhan. When the Adhan is completed he comes back and again takes to his heels when the Iqama is pronounced and after its completion he returns again till he whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and that causes him to forget how much he has prayed.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 11, Number 582 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=11&translator=1&start=0&number=582; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:608)
3. Satan stays in the upper part of people’s noses
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 4, Book 54, Number 516 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=54&translator=1&start=0&number=516; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3295)
1 The Book of Purification
(4) Chapter: Ablution (Wudu)
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger said: “When one of you wakes up from his sleep, he must blow of his nose three times, for the Satan spends the night inside one’s nostrils” [Agreed upon].
Reference: Bulugh al-Maram 37
In-book reference: Book 1, Hadith 43
English translation: Book 1, Hadith 42 (sunnah.com https://sunnah.com/bulugh:37)
In a footnote to the above hadith from al-Bukhari, we are told that:
(1) (H. 3295) We should believe that Satan actually stays in the upper part of one’s nose, though we cannot perceive how, for this is related to the unseen world of which we know nothing except what Allah tells us through his Messenger. (Dr. Muhammad Muhsin Khan, The Translation of the Meanings of Sahih Al-Bukhari [Darussalam Publishers & Distributors, July 1997], Volume 4. Ahadith 2738 to 3648, 59 – The Book Of The Beginning Of Creation, (11) CHAPTER. The Characteristics of Iblis (Satan) and his soldiers. p. 312; bold emphasis mine)
This leads to some rather perplexing questions:
1. Does Satan lodge in everyone’s noses, or Muslim ones?
2. Either way, how can Satan lodge in multiple noses at the same time, especially in noses that are separated by long distances and which live in different continents over the world?
3. Does this mean that Satan is omnipresent?
4. Moreover, how does water which is an earthly, material substance, a liquid, affect or harm Satan?
5. Does this mean that Satan is also a material being which possesses a material and/or physical body, which can be affected by material things such as water?
In light of all the other things which the ahadith state in regards to Satan, such as his farting, peeing and eating crap and bones, it seems that Muhammad actually believed that the devil did have a material, physical body of some kind.
4. Satan blows into people’s anuses
1 The Book of Purification
(6) Chapter: The Nullification of Wudu
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: Allah’s Messenger said: “Satan comes to one of you in Salat and blows air in his bottom, so he imagines that he has realised air yet he did not. So if he gets that feeling he should not leave his prayer unless he hears the sound (of the air) or smells its odour.”
[Reported by Al-Bazzar].
Reference: Bulugh al-Maram 83
In-book reference: Book 1, Hadith 100
English translation: Book 1, Hadith 89 (sunnah.com https://sunnah.com/bulugh:83)
5. Satan is a genie who eats poop and bones
[Remember] when we said unto the angels, worship ye Adam: And they [all] worshipped [him], except Eblis, [who] was [one] of the genii, and departed from the command of his Lord. Will ye therefore take him and his offspring for [your] patrons besides me, notwithstanding they are your enemies? Miserable [shall such] a change [be] to the ungodly! S. 18:50 Sale
1 The Book on Purification
(14) Chapter: What Has Been Related Regarding] What Is Disliked For One to use for Istinja
Abdullah bin Mas’ud narrated that: Allah’s Messenger said: “Do not perform Istinja, with dung, nor with bones. For indeed it is provisions for your brothers among the Jinn.”
Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)
Reference: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 18
In-book reference: Book 1, Hadith 18
English translation: Vol. 1, Book 1, Hadith 18 (sunnah.com https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:18)
Narrated Abu Huraira: That once he was in the, company of the Prophet carrying a water pot for his ablution and for cleaning his private parts. While he was following him carrying it (i.e. the pot), the Prophet said, “Who is this?” He said, “I am Abu Huraira.” The Prophet said, “Bring me stones in order to clean my private parts, and do not bring any bones or animal dung.” Abu Huraira went on narrating: So I brought some stones, carrying them in the corner of my robe till I put them by his side and went away. When he finished, I walked with him and asked, “What about the bone and the animal dung?” He said, “They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me–and how nice those Jinns were–and asked me for the remains of the human food. I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 5, Book 58, Number 200 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=58&translator=1&start=0&number=200; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3860)
6. Satan causes/produces intoxicants, spitting, blowing the nose, yawning, menstruation, & drowsiness
O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), gambling, Al-Ansab and Al-Azlam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaitan’s (Satan) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful. Shaitan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah and from As-Salat (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain? S. 5:90-91 Hilali-Khan
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Yawning is from Satan and if anyone of you yawns, he should check his yawning as much as possible, for if anyone of you (during the act of yawning) should say: ‘Ha’, Satan will laugh at him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 4, Book 54, Number 509 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=54&translator=1&start=0&number=509; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:3289)
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “Allah likes sneezing and dislikes yawning, so if someone sneezes and then praises Allah, then it is obligatory on every Muslim who heard him, to say: May Allah be merciful to you (Yar-hamuka-l-lah). But as regards yawning, it is from Satan, so one must try one’s best to stop it, if one says ‘Ha’ when yawning, Satan will laugh at him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 242 https://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=73&translator=1&start=0&number=242; https://sunnah.com/bukhari:6223)
5 Establishing the Prayer and the Sunnah Regarding Them
(42) Chapter: What is disliked in the Prayer
It was narrated from ‘Adi bin Thabit, from his father, from his grandfather, that the Prophet said: “Spitting, blowing one’s nose, menstruating and drowsiness during the prayer are from Satan.”
Grade: Da’if (Darussalam)
Reference: Sunan Ibn Majah 969
In-book reference: Book 5, Hadith 167
English translation: Vol. 1, Book 5, Hadith 969 (sunnah.com https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:969)
What makes this rather confusing is that Muhammad taught that one of the pleasures that Muslims will enjoy of Jannah is wine consumption:
(Here is) a Parable of the Garden which the righteous are promised: in it are rivers of water incorruptible; rivers of milk of which the taste never changes; rivers of wine, a joy to those who drink; and rivers of honey pure and clear. In it there are for them all kinds of fruits; and Grace from their Lord. (Can those in such Bliss) be compared to such as shall dwell for ever in the Fire, and be given, to drink, boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels (to pieces)? S. 47:15 Yusuf Ali
In other words, Allah will reward his followers by letting them consume a satanic production!
FURTHER READING
Muhammad’s Silly and Ridiculous Teachings [Part 1], [Part 2]
The Sirah and Ahadith: The Foundation of the Quran
Muhammad’s Incorporation of Satan’s Handiwork
Satan’s Handiwork in Allah’s Garden?
More of Shabir Ally’s Lies Exposed Pt. 1
Answering Islam Blog 
This is just…….mind blowing how anybody even follows this religion.
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